I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
