Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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