May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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