Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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