First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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