you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
