Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
