I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
