I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
