someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
