I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
