dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
