this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My vagina is officially offended.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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