just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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