i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
