Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
smell my finger.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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