You surviving the open bar?
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I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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