I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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