I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
