Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
