Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
