You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Less talking, more tequila
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
