margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
