covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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