im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
