omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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