dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
