she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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