i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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