you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
