Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
