Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize