eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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