Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
