Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
