I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
