Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
