Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
