I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
