you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
