insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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