Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
