That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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