If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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