I queefed so loud it echoed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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