I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
