I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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