hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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