Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Two words: nipple clamps
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