Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
