how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
