I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
