He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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