So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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