Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you never un-have a 4some
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
