Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
