It was confusing and full of hummus
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
