Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
