My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
