o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
