Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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