did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
