I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
