Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
