My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
