Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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