I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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