Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
