Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
