I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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