he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
