I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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