singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
