my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize