For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
