He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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