its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
