my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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