i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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