going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
