You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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