If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
