you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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