I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
