are you still at the devil's house?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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