they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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