when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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