Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
