It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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