haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
